Ah- the dreaded R-word. Religion is a touchy topic in general. Combine that into a relationship where both people are of different ones and it’s a ball of fun conversations!
No, I’m kidding. Discussing religion with my husband before we were even engaged is something, I still am thankful for. I know, some of you might be thinking “why discuss religion so early on?” I say, “why not?” I’m not saying it’s a deal-breaker when you’re only just dating, but it helped us have an idea of what each other’s beliefs and expectations were if we got serious. You don’t have to have the answers right then, but it helped us understand each other better.
We both knew and agreed early on that neither of us would convert. Unless we wanted to out of our own personal choice because we made a strong connection with the religion itself. I had taken a stand when I was a very little girl and said I would never convert religions unless I had a life-changing experience and connected with a different religion so deep, that I wanted to identify with it moving forward. I wouldn’t convert for the sake of marriage. I’m thankful that I found someone who respected my choice to remain Sikh and since I already felt this way, I respected my husband’s choice to remain Christian.
Please understand that I am not shaming or disagreeing with those who do convert for marriage. I respect and support anyone’s choices. To find a love that is so strong and deep that you’re willing to put in the time, work, and effort into learning another religion and converting is extremely admirable. For me, as long as love wins in the end regardless of how you did it… is what matters!
While we had the religion conversation early on, we didn’t dive too deep until we announced our engagement to family and friends. That’s when the questions start rolling in. “How will you handle both religions? How are you going to raise your future children? Which religion will you pick for the kids? Will you attend church or Gurudwara (Sikh Temple)? Are you going to combine religions into the house? Will you participate in each other’s faith? Will one of you convert?”
We revisited the conversation to make our decisions. Since we knew neither of us would convert, we agreed on keeping it fair: keeping it 50/50.
We decided that we will both be involved and participate in Christianity and Sikhism equally. We took it upon ourselves to start learning about the customs and traditions associated with both. We try to rotate Sundays between attending church and temple. We have a beautiful section in our bedroom where we have combined all our religious symbols, pictures, holy books, and statues. We both have remained strong in our faith but have openly accepted the other into our hearts.
Regarding our future children, we decided to continue the same approach. We care more about our children being good people in this world, treating others with love and kindness, loving their family/friends/themselves, and doing their best to give back to this beautiful world than we do about picking which religious title they want to go by. We hope they also equally accept both religions into their hearts.
While we have a “plan” in place, we know it will be a learning experience. As it turns out, we will be discovering how this will work for us sooner rather than later because… we are expecting our first baby due in just a few weeks!!!!
I believe you have observed some very interesting points, regards for the post. Luis Fondaw
Thank you!
My wife and I have been married for what will be 25 years this December. She is Hindu Punjabi and I am a descendent of African slaves raised in Catholicism. We have raised our kids knowing Christianity and Hinduism equally – and it works! We impressed upon our children that although God is revealed in different ways in each religious tradition, the messages are fundamentally the same. We also made sure that they felt supported on whatever spiritual path made sense to them. Our eldest son, who got married last year to a wonderful woman from a Guatemalan family, decided to pursue Christianity while our daughter and youngest son prefer Hinduism. Plus, having more holidays to celebrate was an added bonus! Celebrating Holi, Easter, Raksha Bandhan, Diwali, and Christmas in the same household all these years has been incredibly enriching. Even my daughter-in-law observes Karwa Chauth with my wife. As a blindian veteran, I say all of this to you as proof that what you and your husband have planned has and does work. Just keep what connects Christ and Gurupurab in the forefront.
Thank you so much! It’s so beautiful to see it work – I feel like as long as you are doing what is best from you and willing to adjust when things don’t work, that’s the important thing! Love to see your beautiful family flourishing!