During the wedding planning process, the question came up many times about which customs/traditions we were including. How would we fuse our cultural traditions together that fit who we were? My Hubby said he didn’t care (do most men say this?) We discussed if he wanted a church ceremony, tying a unity knot, or jump the broom and he said no. He was fine with simply exchanging vows.
In Punjabi culture, we do not exchange verbal vows or rings during the actual wedding ceremony. There is also no kiss to seal the deal! Since I was not having a Gurudwara (Sikh temple) ceremony, I wanted to include a few traditional ceremonies. I had a mehndi (henna) and churra (bridal bangles) ceremonies.
Two nights before our ceremony, my Mom, Sister, and I went to my Uncle/Aunt’s house (my Dad’s side – as I’ve said – almost everyone in his extended family has supported us since day 1) for the mehndi night. We ate, played Indian music and all sat on the floor in the living room and had our mehndi done. The true makings of an Indian Sangeet! The belief is that the darker your mehndi, the better luck your marriage will have, the more love your hubby will give you, the more love your in-laws will have for you…who knows! I personally think it looks prettier when it’s darker and then lasts longer! There are so many tips and tricks to get henna dark. Some say to make a mixture of sugar and lemon and squeeze it all over your hands. Some say mustard oil does the trick. I remember I covered my hands in long socks after the oil and lemon/sugar was applied (yes, I used both) and went to sleep that night. I woke up to beautiful and dark mehndi.
The night before was the churra ceremony with some of my close relatives, my soon-to-be hubby, and his family. The churra is a bridal bangle that is put on the bride by her maternal uncles. Traditionally the bride will keep them on for at least 40 days and up to 1 year. The significance of the bangles is not just to signify that a woman is a newlywed, but it brings good luck, prosperity, happiness, and many years of love into the marriage. Usually, the bangles are made of ivory and are red/maroon/pink. Nowadays they come in a variety of colors to match the bridal gown. My Mom and Sister placed a traditional and colorful chunni/dupatta (scarf) on my head, while my Aunt and Uncle (Mom’s sister and husband) brought out the bangles and my wedding jewelry. My family all touched the bangles to bless them and then my Uncle put the bangles on my wrist officially making me a “bride”.
I loved wearing my churra for 40 days. It made me feel deeply connected to my culture. I took them off on the 41st day and wish I wore them longer!
Our ceremony itself was lowkey. We had a private room at an Indian restaurant. I wore a simple off-white cocktail dress and my maroon churra. Hubby wore his Navy dress blue uniform. We chose not to pick traditions from one of our religions for the ceremony (to keep it fair and equal) and had a Justice of the Peace instead. We had a wonderful dinner and listened to our family make speeches and share stories that had us laughing and crying. It was a perfect evening for us: simple and intimate.
If you’re having a fusion wedding, I want to say that I hope you stay true to yourself and your spouse-to-be. Don’t let others’ opinions cloud your day because that’s exactly what it is… your day. If you are unsure of how to incorporate different cultures into a wedding, first and foremost – sit down and talk about the kind of wedding you both want: fusion, 2 ceremonies, big/small, or a combination. Then each of you should list out the customs/traditions that mean the most to you and from there start planning how to include it all. Anything can be put together and be amazing if you’re communicating what is important to you!
Absolutely beautiful!
I really enjoyed learning about some of your culture and how you were able to include it in your wedding day. Is soooo important that both people feel heard and it sounds like ,early in your marriage ,you both were heard on what is important to you.
Thank you got sharing
Thank you so much Diamond. Couldn’t have done this without you. I am glad you enjoyed this post regarding our fusion wedding and learning about my culture!
Hi Aman, Thank you so much for your message. I appreciate your support. I really wanted to include the moments I’ve always grown up seeing and anticipating for my big day. It is so true, when you have that support especially from family, it only validates that your happiness means something to them – as it should because we feel that way in return for our family. I am so glad you enjoyed this post and hope you enjoy future posts!