My Dad Was a No-Show to My Wedding

It was 7:10 and my ceremony should have started at 7. My Dad hadn’t arrived yet. I waited another 10 minutes and he still was not there. I asked my uncle what to do; I made sure that I consulted an elder in the family as well as having sound advice instead of reacting on impulse and emotions. My uncle is a very practical and level-headed man. He asked me if my Dad knew the time, which I replied yes, we had confirmed it the night before. He said, “Ok well, let’s wait until 7:30 and if he is not here by then, we will start- he knew the time.”

My Hubby was active duty at the time and hadn’t been home in a while. We knew we were going to get married but had no idea when. He possibly going to be deployed and it could’ve been for 1 year – maybe more or less. We decided when he came home for Thanksgiving, we would have an intimate family only ceremony. My Mom found a beautiful Indian restaurant with a private room for our small ceremony.

Now as I mentioned in my first post, soon after my Dad found out about my relationship early that summer the blame game started and my parents’ decided to get a divorce. (Please check out the first post if you missed it and are wondering what the heck I’m talking about)! This made the wedding planning process a tad complicated. My parent’s were living in the same house but were in the process of divorce. My Dad was barely speaking to my sister and I but obviously we were including him with our plans during the few conversations we were having.

Hubby did fly home for 1 day later that summer just to meet my Dad. We had breakfast, there was good conversation, not a lot of awkwardness (but then again the whole thing was a blur for me thanks to my nerves). I have to thank my Sister immensely (again) for coming as my support. I felt way more confident with her across the table. My husband to this day says it felt totally normal, a “meeting the father” for the first-time type of vibe. My Dad can talk to anyone, he is very charming and outgoing and just like me, can be put in a room with strangers and be perfectly fine and make friends! What my Hub’s always remembers about their conversation were 3 things my Dad told him: 1. Always be the one to drive if w, 2. Never let me pump the gas, 3. Always provide and take care.

I called my dad a few days later to ask what he thought and how he felt after breakfast and he said he liked him, he was very personable and seemed like a nice guy with a solid head on his shoulders. For me, this was the approval I needed. A few months later when we decided on the ceremony date, I told my Dad and he was fine with it. Told me to keep him posted. With my sister and I, conversations with my Dad were short and sweet. So when he didn’t say more… I figured all was good.

Fast-forward to the night before the ceremony, my Mom held a small traditional churra ceremony for me. Right before we started, my Dad called me to confirm the time and location of the ceremony. I hung up thinking he would be there. Meanwhile our fun night began.

7:30pm – he was not there. My Uncle looked at me, we double checked with my Mom and decided to proceed. I could not tell you if someone tried calling him. Some of his own relatives who supported our relationship from day 1 were even there. Someone may have called, I was about to “walk down the aisle” so my mind was elsewhere. He never showed.

Our ceremony was beautiful. It was intimate, there were tears (lots from Hubby during his vows), laughs, beautiful speeches that made everyone cry even more. My ceremony was everything I thought it would be regardless of who was there or not. The family who supported and wanted to be a part of this big moment made sure to be by our side and for that…I am forever grateful and count my blessings. Sometimes you have to remember who is there for you over those who aren’t.

It has been 7 years since I last spoke to my Dad that night. He never called me after to talk, to acknowledge that he wasn’t there, to give me an excuse of why, or just to say hi. I don’t need an explanation; a simple acknowledgment would be fine – but it is ok. I have to remember – while I do not agree with his mindset, he was raised in a different time where marrying within the community is most important. I can’t change someone’s mindset, but I can change how I respond to it.

Maybe the doors will open for us one day and we will start communicating. Maybe our newborn daughter will be that bridge. I couldn’t say right now. All I can say is that…it hurt not having him at my wedding but with time I’ve healed and remembering who was there fills my heart more than any void that was left.